I belong to several private and closed forums on Facebook. No! I’m not getting into the whole data being lifted from FB by unscrupulous operators drama. You take risks in this life whatever you do unless you’re comatose.
What I am on about is the well-meaning but oh so up their own backside ‘fixers.’ Someone posts a dilemma, dramatic life change or ‘sad’ story. Like a magnet it draws a multitude of comments in the following categories…
‘I know just how you feel because that’s happened to me…’ No you don’t! You’re just dumping the feelings and perceptions you experienced onto the person who posted. Not to mention egocentrically publicising your own difficulties when the poster needs your help.
‘Here’s what you should do…’ NO NO NO! How arrogant, without even knowing the person, to prescribe ‘how to fix it’ whatever the ‘it’ is. At best you might tentatively offer what they ‘could’ do if it felt right for them.
And now for a load of psychobabble… These are my bête noire comments. Usually written by people with a few pop psychology ideas presented as expertise and no idea of the harm they could cause. Apply this to the space cadet brigade too.
What the original person posting usually wants, unless they’ve asked otherwise, is for messages of loving support, encouragement and to know they’re not alone.
No fixing allowed!
That takes me neatly to the gorgeous news that I am now a bona fide Agony Aunt in an inspiring magazine launching this month. Goldie Magazine is a stylish lifestyle magazine for the baby boomer generation who have an ageless attitude to living. It’s for people who, just like me, celebrate ageing and the increased wackiness that comes with it. Take a peek here.
Please remember that I’m also celebrating my 70th birthday with a special women’s event on the evening of 6th June. It will be a small and intimate group of women with whom I’ll share how I ended up as a psychotherapist and some of my professional secrets. Plus you can ask me questions to which you’ve always wanted to know the answers but never dared to ask.
This promises to be a very unique event. I’ve already had five women book even though I haven’t sent full details yet! If you want to be part of this evening, email me now. I’ll send you full details very soon.
Remember to avoid having a go at ‘fixing’ someone else. Instead, one of the most supportive things you can do is to let them learn what they need to learn at their own pace… Unless, of course, they’re ripe for a delicate and professional nudge!
Love to you…