You know how it feels when you’ve said yes to something and wished you hadn’t? Well, I had a small talk to deliver to a women’s business group in Kensington last Friday. Come the Monday before I hadn’t written a word. There were ideas swishing around in my head but a big fat zero on paper.
Why oh why had I said I would talk about ‘What’s your soul got to do with business?’ What if they didn’t get it? What if I bombed?
Then it came to me. All my prevarication and negative anticipation was down to one thing and one thing only.
I was balking at the mere thought of me standing in my REAL self and speaking my truth… literally!
I saw that old anti-life gremlin stuff and its partner in crime, ‘If you put your head above the parapet, you’ll get shot and killed.’ Indeed, when I realised what was going on, I blew those ancient fears right out of the park… SHAZAM!
Then I wrote the brain dump talk. Just let it flow into words through my hands as it came. And I got up at least an hour early Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday to create ‘the’ talk and refine it refine it refine it!
All went well until Thursday morning when I got the collywobbles big time… and it wasn’t my IBS. When speaking and nervous, my default position has always been to go into my ‘actress.’ She’s impressive, delivers brilliantly and has served me excellently with past challenges.
But then is not now. Since aligning deeply with my truth, I desire only to be who I really am and not who I was trained to be. I was scared I might regress into my old ‘going dead’ patterns. Like I hear the words I say but there’s no connection between me and the speaker. I’ve gone totally but totally AWOL!
So what did I do?
As well as refining my talk, I pre-remembered how I desired to be in delivering it. I wrote down in the present how I was feeling, what I was doing and how my audience responded to me. ‘My heart thrills seeing their glowing faces as they drink in what I’m saying.’
Absolutely delicious yum!
Come Friday lunch and talk time… I stood in my magnificent I AM and spoke from my truth. Although nervous, through pre-remembering how I desired to be, I was that me. There were enough glowing faces in the audience and rich feedback to tell me, ‘You done good woman!’
I’ve worked on me and my truth for ever but my most recent work has been the most freakin’ powerful. I wish you could put a finger in the socket of my soul and feel the immensity of the charge.
I’ve experienced a profound shift in me, my alignment with my truth and how I live life both in my being and my doing. Much more joy.
With humility and reverence, I know there’s a mechanism in the universe that helps me manifest what I desire. I also know, at all levels of my being, I was born worthy and can absolutely and totally have what I desire.
Love to you…